It has been two and a half years since I first held my Olivia in my arms. Early in my journey, Laura Beach encouraged me to reflect and write on my experiences becoming a new mom. “So many are walking this journey and need some guidance, and not much has been written,” she said.
Let me tell you, there is a reason for that. But God in his graciousness has parted my brain fog at several points in the last year to allow a few lucid thoughts to emerge. What I have found is that I am learning a whole new way to pray in this season. It is a very simple way of prayer. If you are a mom, or a caretaker, or living under any other circumstances where peace and quiet is hard to come by, you may find these tidbits useful:
I am learning a simple glance in God’s direction is enough.
Sometimes all I have is 5 seconds. If I can just take a deep breath and remember God, he remembers me right back. All I do is shoot him a knowing look in my spirit the same way I would my husband or a close friend. He reads between the lines quite well.
I am learning there is only grace for this moment.
The past is past, and the future isn’t real, but I have been given everything I need to live and live well in this moment. When I can trust that, my heart is at peace. My prayer then becomes, “Give me today my daily bread… nightly sleep…, etc.”
I am learning that I sometimes have to pray on the fly.
I pray as I lob up a desperate plea with a baby on one hip and a laundry basket on the other—those prayers get answered just as well as the serene and articulate prayers offered from my prayer closet.
I am learning to pray the prayer of surrender.
So much is beyond my control these days, and some things are just going to fall through the cracks. When I am overwhelmed I simply say, “Okay God, what’s next?” And then I do the next thing. And I find the next thing is the right thing.
I am learning to pray the prayer of presence.
These moments are so fleeting, there are so many distractions, and the joy of being over-the-moon in love with my little girl makes me feel so vulnerable that sometimes it takes great courage to be present to her. And so my prayer is simply, “God, wake me up to this moment.”
Finally, I am learning that in this season a lot of days go by where I don’t pray.
And guess what? It’s okay. God is still God. I am still his daughter. Life keeps moving and I am still being held, even If I’m asleep before my head hits the pillow. I believe the sweet Holy Spirit prays through me as I sleep, and when I do have a quiet moment to steal away with him, I find my Heavenly Father neither angry nor disappointed but excited to see me. And I have the sense that mysteriously, we had been talking all along.